Monday, November 30, 2009

Just Another Long Goodbye

Oh, the sweet perfume of pheromones!
I inhale your chemistry and my lips find
the throbbing pulse of your throat,
wishing for this tender embrace to last
for one more day...

“stay with me...stay...”

These anticipated reunions are thrilling!
when long distance love is pursued
on the I-4 corridor, three hours become an
eternity driving “Malfunction Junction”,
wipers thudding to the rhythm of the rain...

“there will be magic in the Magic Kingdom tonight...”

Oh, but long goodbyes are heart-rending!
I stand on my tip-toes at the Clearwater terminal
and steal a parting kiss from the corner
of your mouth as you watch them load
luggage into the metal belly of the Greyhound bus, then
you pull me into your sensual response...

“get a room!” someone on the bus yells. and we laugh, faces wet with tears...

How long now have we been playing at this?
I knew better when I met you at your brother’s party
on the beach...and I spurned you. But you were tenacious, and
sought me out whenever you were in town. Your patience
and gentle demeanor wore me down, melted me, until I
was a dripping icicle in your warm arms with that first kiss...

now on the precipice of another goodbye, our sighs echoing the need...

I can’t bear to watch you pack the car. You look up with
red-rimmed eyes, try to hide your sorrow with a smile.
That’s my big man. I have decided that I won’t cry
until you leave the driveway. But that doesn’t work: the tears start
falling as soon as you take me in your arms. Our lips
find each other and we drink long and deep of our mutual thirst...

“goodbye, my love. now we count down the days ‘til the next hello...”

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Constructing A Story Notebook

I've been very busy these past few days and about to get busier. But this is a good thing.

I've been enjoying the holiday and will be saddened to have to see that all come to an end in a few days. On the other hand, we get to turn around and do it all again in just a few weeks.

I've spent the last day-and-a-half working on putting together a notebook for two short stories: Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dragon and Queendom of the Harpies.

If you've read this lately, you'll note that a couple of posts back I declared that Tiny Dragon was nearing completion, Elagrom's journey almost at it's conclusion. So why now start a notebook on this story?

Several reasons.

The first is this: even though I am 4300+ words into this beautiful saga of Elagrom the Shepherd, and I have stated that the end is in sight (which in my mind it is), I have absolutely no idea how much more I will have to write until that end is reached. I wish writing was that easy.

Secondly, I have amassed a great deal of information in researching this story: dragon lore, dragon anatomy, the properties of lodestone and other magnetic compounds (which has yet to come into play in the story). I need a place to keep all of that information. Sure, I keep a record of information and webpages in the StoryMill research section (great writing software, StoryMill. I thoroughly recommend it.) I have print-outs of all that stuff, though, and I like to physically put my hands on it and study it. I need to do something on my breaks at work.

Thirdly, and I've mentioned this on past posts as well. this story may spill over into a novel set in the same world and history at some point. I'd like to be able to have all of the notes and research available to me whenever I take up that gauntlet. And every day I'm coming more and more to the feeling that I will take it up.

So, I'm making a Tiny Dragon notebook. Sharing the same notebook, on the other side of the middle pocket divider is the section for Queendom of the Harpies.

Harpies is a new story concept and I haven't begun writing it yet. I have started compiling information, both handwritten notes and printed web research and I need to start gathering all of that material into one location and start really planning the story. The notebook will be my primary tool for that as well.

A story notebook can be one of the writer's most dependable tools, and the one they come to depend on most. It helps you keep ideas, characterizations and plotlines straight in addition to being a place to keep all of your research. Keeping information tightly organized is a habit that must be learned by all beginning writers. I am still learning how to do it and using notebooks helps me tremendously.

Friday, November 27, 2009

News from the LHC

No one at the Large Hadron Collider would talk about the deaths. They were stoked about creating a singularity, though.

Chicken Monkey Shoes?

My fervent prayer is that chicken monkey shoes never come into fashion. They would clash with my iguana kangaroo pants.

Registered for the "Random Question" feature on the profile section of this blog and the first question I got was "Chicken Monkey Shoes?" My answer there is only slightly different, but I couldn't make 'alpaca' work in a twitfic and not many folks know what an alpaca is.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

What I'm Thankful For

It's Thanksgiving day.

Time for family, food and football.

Time to meditate on our blessings and thank God for all that He has provided for us over the past year.

I wonder how many people really take the time out on this busy day to do just that. We need to. I'm going to take the lead and list out ten things I'm thankful for this year.

  1. Jesus. My lover and my spouse. I know I should always put You first, yet, You still love me when I don't. I know You have great things in store for me, and I can't wait to walk the path as it unfolds. 
  2. I have a good job. Not too many people can say that this year. I praise God for mine. 
  3. Economic Stability. Money has been tight for me, but it could be worse and I thank You, Jesus, that I'm getting by. 
  4. My friends. They keep me shored up by their prayers and intercede for me daily, I know. 
  5. My health. It has not been that good this year. I've had a procedure on my right eye (a cryopexy to treat a blood-vessel tumor) and a mysterious illness that seems to be getting worse involving intense cramping in my feet and legs, lethargy and migraines. Will see rheumatologists and neurologists in the future to try and get diagnosed. Still, I can walk and talk and breathe. Praise the Lord!
  6.  My gifts. My writing and speaking abilities have served Him in the past year in remarkable ways. He has used my skills to work miracles and has let me see it. I am doubly blessed. He is probably less than thrilled about my fiction writing, but I try not to go out on too far of a limb there. A time may come when He leads me to work only for His Kingdom. If that's what He wants from me, He'll get it. I learned long ago that my arms are just too short to box with Him.
  7. My faith. As a convert, I have a profound love for my Catholic faith and sometimes suffer persecutions for it. I try to suffer them as Jesus did, as a lamb led to the slaughter, silent and always praying for my enemies. My faith is the foundation of my life. There was a time when I didn't believe in God and I honestly don't know how I made it out of that deep well of despair, but I'm glad I did.
  8. My family. Scattered and dysfunctional as we are, I recognize that they shaped me into what I am today and I'm grateful for their presence in my life.  
  9. My saints. My intercessors and protectors who have watched over me this past year and have saved my life a few times by keeping me from bad car accidents (narrowly missed serious crashes at least twice that I know of). St. Michael the Archangel, for lessons in spiritual warfare. St. John of the Cross for teaching me self-emptying love of God and neighbor. St. Therese of Lisieux for showing me the "Little Way" to God by the virtue of humility. 
  10. The Little Miracles. I am eternally grateful that God has opened my eyes to the wonders of His world. I always have appreciated weather and nature. I love them all the more dearly now since I am able to see His hand in all things. Even the tragic. I had a non-believer friend ask me, "How can you believe in God, after seeing the death and destruction an EF5 tornado does?" My answer was this: "God's purpose is not clear. I do know I've seen people who were once enemies reconciled and complete strangers helping one another. But, I've also seen people come apart. I don't know. I'm just hopeful that one day it will all make sense." Sure, God brings the tornadoes and hurricanes. I believe He also brings the rainbow, the cool breeze on a hot day and a much-needed rain on dry lands. I always try to look for the Little Miracles in everyday life. They are everywhere, for anyone who wants to see them. Just open your eyes and look around you.
My prayer for all of you reading this is that this Thanksgiving Day you will examine your lives from this past year and reflect on some of the ways the Lord  has blessed you. You may not be able to find ten of them, but I'd be willing to bet that you have many blessings that perhaps you are not even aware of.

Ask God to reveal them to you.

And then thank Him for them.

May God continue to bless you in the coming year.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Hard Lessons Learned While Growing Up

There are definitely monsters under the bed
and in the closet. But, they are terrified of grown-ups.
If you see one, call a grown-up immediately.

When you are sick, learn the art of waiting.
I know it's hard to stay still with that thermometer in your
mouth for so long, but, believe me,
the alternative is worse.

Bumblebees, though brightly-colored and pretty,
do not like to be petted. If you insist, they will make
you go “Ouch” and you will cry. A lot.

Cats are not dogs. They do not like to be picked up
and forced to sit on your lap. They will not allow it, actually.

Mommy and Daddy can not be with you all of the time.
Either learn to get yourself out of jams or do not
get yourself in them in the first place.

God is bigger than the bogeyman. And a lot nicer.
So remember to say your prayers at night, every night of your life.

You can't be everything to everyone.
You can only be the best 'you' that you can be
for whoever needs you at the moment.

Not everyone you meet will be nice to you.
Someone will call you names.
Don't retaliate. They are probably hurting inside.
Someone will break your heart.
Don't stop loving people. Instead, love them more.
Someone will betray your trust.
Keep on trusting, but be smart about it.
Eventually, someone else will earn your trust again.

Scraped elbows, skinned knees,
cut fingertips and stubbed toes,
heal more quickly than
bruised egos, wounded pride,
and broken hearts,
and they hurt a whole lot less.

Someone you love will leave you. Forever.
Let your grief wash over you for a time, then, carry
your memories like a light inside you and they will
make you happy when nothing else can.

It's okay to fail. Wisdom is born from failures.
It's not okay not to try.

Eventually, you will get older, frailer, sicker.
There is nothing you can do about it.
Eventually, God will call you to come home.
This doesn't have to be scary.

There are many other things I'd like to tell you,
many other lessons you will learn.
These will be your lessons, unique to you.
Trust your instincts. Follow your heart.

And when you have learned something useful,
pass your knowledge along
to someone else who needs it
as they walk on the road to wisdom.

For the road is long
and we only stop learning
when we reach the end of it.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Possible Action in the Morning Hours

The rain was coming down in buckets earlier. God, I LOVE it. And because regular weather reports do not suffice with me, I had to go to NOAA-SPC and do my own scoping, mesoanalysis stuff. Also keeping up on the reports. The latest one being this:

SPC AC 250029

0629 PM CST TUE NOV 24 2009

VALID 250100Z - 251200Z



This means that radiosonde observations are showing that we do have some shear in place, and although it is weak, it may be enough to fuel a mesocyclone. But possibly not since the adiabatic lapse rates are not significant. Still, the deadliest tornadoes have occurred at night when they can't be seen that well. If you hear a loud roar, people, get your asses to the safest place you have!  Since we have no basements to speak of in Florida, an interior room or narrow hallway is a good option, somewhere away from windows and anything breakable. Throw a blanket over you, if you have time.

If you are outside: find a low-lying area or a ditch. DO NOT SEEK SHELTER UNDER A HIGHWAY OVERPASS. I can't say this to enough people. Folks have been killed doing that. The possibility of the winds ripping you out from under there are just too great.

Sunday, November 22, 2009

Elder's Journey

With busy hands, the Protectors readied the slumbering gods for their journey to a new home. When the Astronomers observed the alignment of certain stars (according to their calculations) the craft were launched.

The Elder Ones went first.

The Astronomers were certain the capsules would remain unopened until they reached their destination: the planet they had seen in visions.

One of the Elders landed near an island on the new world.

The hatch opened slowly and Cthulhu emerged, stretched his scaly body and shook his tentacled head. He lumbered off to explore his new domain and search for eager supplicants.

Saturday, November 21, 2009

Last Resort

“Come on in! Take off your coat. Sit right here by the fire. Just never mind the human sacrifices going on in that corner.”

Friday, November 20, 2009

Ongoing Projects & Concepts

This weekend I will attempt to put into perspective some of the projects I am working on and do some hard core thinking about some of the recent concepts I've had for stories.

The Bloom is Off the Rose:

Writing this story past the two sex scenes has proven difficult, as I am not accustomed to using sex to accentuate the stories I write. However, after careful consideration, I felt that the brief, erotic scenes of lovemaking between the characters Saepheus Rado and Ambassador Pietri were essential to the plot of the story and add to the intimacy of the deep relationship between these two characters. If I feel they aren't necessary after it is completed, the two scenes will be edited to tone down the content or one may be taken out (Saepheus' birthday gift, perhaps).

Questions that may occur to the reader as they are digesting the story: Why the terrorist attack on the Courian Consulate? Who did it? Will there be retribution? How do the strange blue Courian "longevity" stones fit in? I know the answers already to these questions. The trick, however, is when to reveal them in the story. I need to think about that.

A Better Plan Will Be Set In Motion:

I have begun this story with a nod to one of my favorite animals in the short sentence: "The frog was dead." I am still working on hammering out the linguistics of the Pyncos, an alien race of oxygen-breathing jellyfish-types who communicate with emotive telepathy. They have extreme difficulties in speaking with us and we have a hard time translating what they are saying, let alone carrying on a conversation with them. There is one man aboard the ship Sargasso who has seemed singularly gifted in conversing with them, however: the lowly Jesus freak cryo-tech Bryan Keller, who is the secret object of the captains affections.

Working out speech mode for the Pyncos is a challenge, since they begin every communicated thought by expressing an accentuated emotion. We humans can only ineffectively render an adequate translation of Pynco-speech. The reality of it is much more complicated. Here is a sample conversation:

[~neutral~//like us/much/you are]
"We are nothing like you."
[~stress~//physical not//emotional not//mental not//social construct yes]
"Only vaguely. And there the similarity ends."
[~insistence~//no//much like//~argumentative~//very]
[~neutral~//one eiten//one poden//post indefinite]

The problem for me is not to let the story get too caught up in the mere linguistics of Pynco-speech. Using the translated speech when dealing with the captain and rest of the crew is a solution. Then, the Pynco mind speech can be used only when Bryan is speaking privately with them. This, hopefully, could add tension and drama, as the rest of the crew will not know what is going on at those moments.

Questions the reader might have: Why can Bryan communicate with the Pyncos and no one else can? Good question. My hope is that they keep reading to find out.

Armageddon Leaves a Weary Witness:

Have begun it, but need to hammer out some notes on it. And do some little research. Another psychological space drama, set in a concentration camp/prison of sorts. This story contains a race of aliens that I am conceptualizing in another story (see: "Medicine Makes You Sicker" in this post) and whose planet I've alluded to in a drabble (see "Cosmic Chicken Inn" in another post below).  I'm referring to the Waznians. Wazn is a real star in the Columba constellation.

The protagonist in this story is not Waznian, however. He is an imprisoned alien from the planet Kidrun, who sports "twenty appendages" and wears a portion of his brain outside his body. A bad place for it as it turns out, because it makes it easier for his Waznian (he calls them Wasnins) and human captors to torture him using electro-stimulation to simultaneously generate sensations both pleasurable and painful to him. Poor guy. This story is uncomfortable to write as I am exploring how twisted the human psyche can get when we want something. It's meant to be uncomfortable for the reader as well. We are not the good guys in this story. Well, one of us might be.

Queendom of the Harpies (concept stage):

Still doing the research on this one and gathering notes, reading lots of mythology.

Idea behind it: Mythological beasts in the form of vulture-like women inhabit a city office building, making life hell for one administrative assistant at a law firm.  Inspiration for my Twitfic: "How Do You Kill a Harpy?" (see older post).

Medicine Makes You Sicker (concept stage): 

So, we turn out to be pretty good intergalactic allies with these Waznians. That might not be such a great idea for several reasons. Waznian infectious disease is mental illness. They pass insanity like we pass the common cold. And now they are sending us to the asylums in droves. Not only turns out Waznians have a strange religion that seems to bear a striking resemblance to a cult mentioned in the "ficticious" works of an early twentieth-century horror writer. Aliens, contagious madness and Cthulhu, set in a mental institution by the sea. What the hell could be better than that? Plus, I get to attempt to become part of the whole Cthulhu Mythos thing and that's just too freaking sweet to pass up. The ultimate fan fic club.

Also still working on trying to finish "Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dragon" and fleshing out the story lines behind the novel "The Coffee Wars." Will work on Dragon tomorrow, perhaps.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

Pop Culture Fairy Tale

The entire kingdom is in an uproar and my parents are pissed.
It’s my fault. I can’t help it. I kissed a frog, and I liked it.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

The Best Homework Excuse Ever

I was sitting under the tree in our backyard with a notepad and pen, writing my book report which was due in the morning.

The sky was beginning to darken.

Suddenly, a very bright light stabbed through the branches overhead, shimmering oddly.

A spaceship landed in front of me.

I jumped up, startled. A scream caught in my throat.

Then, the aliens emerged: five little green men. One ran up and snatched the notebook from my hands. Scurrying back to his brethren, he began tearing paper out, handing the torn pages to each of them.

I guess they were hungry.

(Submitted to The Drabblecast on 9/19/09. Just forgot to post it on this blog when I started it. Well, better late than never.)

Cosmic Chicken Inn

Everyone knows that Cosmic Chicken Inn has the best eats anywhere.

They’re located 42 AU away on Rigel 7, but worth the wait. I logged in to place my order, waiting for the wireless ansible to connect.

“Cosmic Chicken Inn, this is Zephod. Pick-up or delivery?”

“Delivery. I’d like two Buckets o’ Birds, four Waznian Lizard Sticks, a side of Hashisha Slaw and a glazed doughnut,” I said, transmitting my coordinates.

“Don’t forget. Hang a right at the Oort Cloud,” I added.

“It’ll be about two hours,” replied Zephod.

“Two hours? I hope you don’t break the speed limit.”

The Crystal Chamber

The second survey crew landed near the object embedded in the southern hemisphere of a dead world. They’d lost contact with the first team months ago.

The artifact resembled an enormous crystalline worm buried in the earth. A nearby cave led them down into a chamber filled with alien devices. Numerous bones lay scattered all around.

What they thought was the artifact blocked the passageway on the opposite side.

A portal was set into the construct, lined with spikes that sparkled like icicles.

They understood too late as the chamber began broadcasting black noise.

The worm was ready to feed.

(This drabble was submitted both to Drabblecast's drabble forum and to Sam's Dot Publishing "Drabbler #16" Contest, the theme of which is "Alien Architecture." Drabblecaster's are submitting some mighty good 100 word stories for this thus far. I hope some of us at least get in the magazine and earn a crisp new George Washington for all our hard drabbling.)

Sunday, November 15, 2009

Rosdalla, 1055

23, April. St. George's Day.

We are in the seventh hour of this accursed vision.

I have no doubt we will die today, for the scourge of God is upon us.

We, the townspeople, continue to stare at this cylindrical tower of fire in the sky, whose violence will not abate.

Mighty birds of prey fly in and out of it, through its numerous doors and windows. They swoop down, snatching small animals in their terrible talons, then drop them to the ground, dead. They tear large trees up by their roots.

All our hopes seem scattered by the winds.

(I knew I would have to do a drabble like this, sooner or later.)

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Unfinished Business

“I’m coming back for you,” the man said to the crowded courtroom, eyes locked on Bobby’s eight-year old form. “When you all growed up.”

Bobby shivered. This man murdered his family while Bobby hid, terrified.

Years later, Bobby watched as guards led the murderer into Sparky’s waiting embrace. He wanted his nightmares to die in the lightning. The lights flickered. The killer wailed, “I’m coming back for you!”

When Bobby grew old, those words still haunted him as he sat in his rocking chair.

The lights flickered, went out.

“Now you all growed up,” whispered the shadow.

Bobby screamed.

Friday, November 13, 2009

Once Around the SKYWARN Block & 'Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dragon'

I have completed the on-line certification course to become a Severe Weather Spotter on my local SKYWARN website here in Pinellas County, Florida.

It was an interesting little slide show class that featured much of the information about severe weather that I already knew from having studied it enthusiastically for most of my life. Such facts as Florida's #1 weather-related killer being lightning (#2 is flash flooding-PLEASE don't drive through standing water during or after a heavy rain). I was a little disappointed that it did not contain information regarding highway overpasses as being a VERY UNSAFE place to take shelter during a tornado. I think more people need to get that message as there seems to be a great deal of misinformation out there.

The section on tornadogenesis and the figures showing the anatomy of supercell structures were nice but they were not very big, and they were bitmap images, so when I tried to make them bigger they just got all pixelated and ugly. Luckily, I was able to find similar graphics on the web by merely searching for information on supercells.

A BIG plus to the program is that there are downloadable PDF manuals to use to advance your knowledge of storms and what to report as a spotter. Nice information on hail but they tended to repeat themselves on the method of reporting it. Okay, I get it. Don't report hail as "marble sized." Dime/penny/nickel/quarter/half-dollar/golf ball/tennis ball/baseball. I'll be ready for the that question if it comes up on the test.

I'm not quite ready for the exam. I want to go through the lessons again and take notes. There are several sections pertaining to statistical data on the types of tornados and storms we get in Florida and how to report them. I want to jot down that stuff. I just know some of it will come up on the test.

Writing News:

I continue each day to get closer to the goal of completing my short fantasy/science fiction story "Hold Me Closer, Tiny Dragon." I reread some of the original research on magnetism and the tesla unit that is part of the story. What I have discovered is that there may be the makings of a novel or series in this alternate world where "wizards" war with each other using gengineered dragons and prehistory beasts. I have it tenatively titled in my head as "Mages of Morrow." We'll see where those thoughts take me, but the main thrust of my focus is to finish this story. I'm at about 4335 words right now and will probably add about 2500 more before it's done and ready for editing.

I'm still gathering research material for a short story that is in the conception stage right now titled "Queendom of the Harpies," in which a beleaguered office worker tries to find a way to get rid of the mythical bitches she works with.

I'm also working on a couple of new drabbles to submit to The Drabblecast, but for this weekend (snot-nosed and under the weather am I) my goals are to rest and work on "Tiny Dragon."

Tuesday, November 10, 2009

Future History Lesson

“Science teaches us that life on Earth emerged from the seas millions of years ago,” Mr. Finny began. “Our ancestors crawled out of the waters, entering a world brightly lit by a star during the day, and by a moon and more distant stars at night.

They discovered remnants of an ancient, barbaric civilization. Dwellings taller than the world loomed over them. They wondered what sort of creatures populated the planet before.

Then, they found the pictures.”

Mr. Finny held one up for the class to see.

The children squealed in mock terror, covering their eyes with their foremost tentacles.

Friday, November 6, 2009

SKYWARN Spotter Training & My "Twisted" Addiction

I'm so chuffed about this bit of news!

Pinellas County SKYWARN Spotter training can now be done online via this neat little slideshow class. When you have finished viewing the training modules, you can take your certification exam online also.

I finally feel this year that I am ready to finish the program and get my certification.

I have been obsessed with severe weather since I was 9 years old. On one oppressively hot and humid day, (April 3rd, 1974) I saw my first funnel cloud in the Super Outbreak near my hometown of Washington Court House, Ohio.

SKYWARN Spotters are often the first to witness a tornado on the ground. Their reports can save lives. Hook Echoes (Tornado Vortex Signatures) are not always clear on radar, so a Spotter's report can make a big difference in weather reporting.

This is particularly important in Florida, as we can have severe weather at any time of the year. The Tampa Bay area has an average of 100 thunderstorms per year (I'm so glad I moved here) and has the designation of being the "lightning capital of the U.S.A."

I will keep posting reports of my progress toward getting Spotter certified.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

110 Over: To Save the One or the Seven

cold, cruel needle
bouncing and dipping
beneath your comfortable, transparent
little plastic dome - what cares
have you? or follies? or fears?

the laws are clear: 

emergency vessels have limited fuel
total mass must be x exactly
thus, and no more
or ship and pilot will perish
along with precious cargo: medicine 
to cure a half-dozen,
dying men
 on the surface of a frontier world.

mass is > x
> by 110 lbs.
the weight of death.
the pilot has one option (and
this is also the law): jettison the "dead weight"

to put the needle back to center. but …

it was just a girl...
frightened but happy
she wanted to see her brother
sooner than the transport
would allow her
she stowed away on the EDS before it launched
away from the transport.

she did not understand astrophysics and
fuel to mass ratios...all the precise measurements
she could only cry
her words haunting the pilot
ringing in his ears, pleading
as he confronted her with her fate.

i have done nothing to deserve to die!

and ringing again
after the lock cycled
and closed...
on the hard vacuum of space
and the harder choice of colder calculations -
x was exact again
and no more.

(The classic story "The Cold Equations" by Tom Godwin inspired this. A pilot is forced by ship weight restrictions to eject an 18-year old stowaway into space.)

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

The Pendulum Swings On and On

I stand on gray museum marble, watching the pendulum’s parachronistic swing.

A strange desire fills me. I dismiss it as madness.

Sensing movement, I turn. A familiar gaze, like looking at an old mirror, cracked and gray, meets mine. "I’ll see you in twenty years," he says.

He jumps, gracefully arcing, mounting the oscillating arm like a fireman's pole. Our mental connection surprises me, then he winks and I understand.

My vardoger fades out of existence.

I replay the scene in my mind over and over, so that when the time comes, I’ll be able to execute it perfectly again.

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

How Do You Kill A Harpy?

The books at the library were no help at all. They said harpies could be banished, but never killed. I MUST be free of them!

Abandon Hope, All Ye Who Enter Here

Aria alone could see the sign above the door. Holding her breath, she entered through the portal to begin her day at work.

A Girl With Brains

"Men!" Barbara shouted indignantly, to no one in particular. "They're so thickheaded. They only love my body and not my brains." Barbara's latest failed relationship had left her feeling somewhat jaded.

She pondered the absolute pointlessness of her love life. She'd had many lovers recently and none of them had understood or really satisfied her. But they were smart, and she’d learned something new from each one of them.

"After all," she sighed, "I loved them for their brains."

She lifted the oozing skull of her latest lover to her lips and, making loud slurping noises, sucked the brainpan clean.

Hell Hath No Fury

“Cheating bastard!” I fumed and waited for Donald to come home.

I found out about the affair six months ago and spent the last two preparing my goodbye. I waited calmly, just beyond the perimeter of my hastily scrawled handiwork. I heard the key turning in the lock.

Donald stepped inside and smiled at me. “Hi, honey! I’m home.”

His last words echoed shock and pain as he was suddenly consumed by the bright, hot flames which erupted and descended back into the pentagram scratched upon the floor where Donald had once stood.

“No,” I laughed madly. “Now you’re home.”

The Canyon of Death

There was a tunnel in a cave on a sheer cliff in the valley of The People. They explored it sometimes, foraging for food.

Most did not return.

The end of the tunnel opened upon a smooth, yellow canyon. The People called the canyon: "Death" because a giant was rumored to live there.

One day, a forager ventured into the canyon: alone and frightened. All he felt before the end was a rush of air from above.

The giant removed its shoe and scraped the dead thing into the swirling lake nearby.

“Damn frogs in the bathtub again!” it said.

The New Book on the Shelf

The new book was placed on the bookcase between Lady Chatterly’s Lover and The Kama Sutra.

Since one can endure only so much of anything, the stunned little paperback crept sheepishly away from those two naughty tomes and jumped to the shelf below.

There, it nestled comfortably between Louis L’Amour and Zane Grey.

Within minutes, the people on the cover began ducking, shaking their fists as arrows and bullets whizzed past their heads, dangerously close.

The book catapulted to the shelf underneath, sighing with fatigue. It squeezed between Dante’s Inferno and Milton’s Paradise Lost.

And then all hell broke loose.

The Wine Cooler Ad: A Play

This is actually a hundred word drabble story and one that I will NEVER submit to Drabblecast. It is the very first drabble I ever wrote and was nothing more than an exercise in telling a hundred word fart joke.

Announcer: Buy “Fartles and Blames!” The wine cooler with the interesting smell everyone’s talking about.

Bottle Number 1: “Oh, man! You stink! That’s one serious bomb you just dropped. Do you need a doctor?”

Bottle Number 2: “That’s not me, man! This guy beside me must have done it! Whew! It smells like a bad bag of boiled peanuts in here!" (Turns to Bottle Number 3 and says): "Couldn’t you have waited until you were alone, dude? I mean, seriously!”

Bottle Number 3: “He who smelt it dealt it! I didn’t do any thing."

Bottle Number 4 remains strangely silent.

Monday, November 2, 2009

It's a Spaceship!'s a cloud.

This is my second blog. Dedicated to the art of Science Fiction and Fantasy writing and the science of Meteorology, which I love.

The purpose of this blog is to contain all my thoughts and writing, scientific and otherwise, that might ultimately bore the crap out of my non-geek friends. Warning: I will talk about the weather. A lot. Hence the name. Lenticular clouds form in mountainous regions and they have often been mistaken for UFO's. Yeah, they are that freaking cool.

Also, some of this material will not always be kid-friendly and I have my friends with kids checking out my religious writings on my other blog. I'm a Christian, but I'm far from perfect. I don't force my beliefs on anyone, but at the same time, I give the devil a huge and hearty shout out of "F*** you!" Be aware that you may encounter some bad language and sexual situations in the writings that I post on this site. I won't always asterisk them out.

Keeping this amalgamated life organized is a neat trick that I am only beginning to learn. I'm not always successful, but damn it sure is interesting.

If you want to check out my religious writings, the blog name is "Adventures in Amalgamation."