Future History Lesson

“Science teaches us that life on Earth emerged from the seas millions of years ago,” Mr. Finny began. “Our ancestors crawled out of the waters, entering a world brightly lit by a star during the day, and by a moon and more distant stars at night.

They discovered remnants of an ancient, barbaric civilization. Dwellings taller than the world loomed over them. They wondered what sort of creatures populated the planet before.

Then, they found the pictures.”

Mr. Finny held one up for the class to see. 

The children squealed in mock terror, covering their eyes with their foremost tentacles. 

The Best Homework Excuse Ever

November 18, 2010 marks the 25th Anniversary of the comic strip "Calvin and Hobbes." Enjoy.

I was sitting under the tree in our backyard with a notepad and pen, writing my book report which was due in the morning. 

The sky was beginning to darken. 

Suddenly, a very bright light stabbed through the branches overhead, shimmering oddly. 

A spaceship landed in front of me. 

I jumped up, startled. A scream caught in my throat.

Then, the aliens emerged: five little green men. One ran up and snatched the notebook from my hands. Scurrying back to his brethren, he began tearing paper out, handing the torn pages to each of them. 

I guess they were hungry.

The New Book on the Shelf

The new book was placed on the bookcase between Lady Chatterly’s Lover and The Kama Sutra.

Since one can endure only so much of anything, the stunned little paperback crept sheepishly away from those two naughty tomes and jumped to the shelf below.

There, it nestled comfortably between Louis L’Amour and Zane Grey.

Within minutes, the people on the cover began ducking, shaking their fists as arrows and bullets whizzed past their heads, dangerously close.

The book catapulted to the shelf underneath, sighing with fatigue. It squeezed between Dante’s Inferno and Milton’s Paradise Lost.

And then all hell broke loose.