The Best Homework Excuse Ever

November 18, 2010 marks the 25th Anniversary of the comic strip "Calvin and Hobbes." Enjoy.

I was sitting under the tree in our backyard with a notepad and pen, writing my book report which was due in the morning. 

The sky was beginning to darken. 

Suddenly, a very bright light stabbed through the branches overhead, shimmering oddly. 

A spaceship landed in front of me. 

I jumped up, startled. A scream caught in my throat.

Then, the aliens emerged: five little green men. One ran up and snatched the notebook from my hands. Scurrying back to his brethren, he began tearing paper out, handing the torn pages to each of them. 

I guess they were hungry.

The Pendulum Swings On and On

I  stand on gray museum marble, watching the pendulum’s parachronistic swing.

A strange desire fills me. I dismiss it as madness. 

Sensing movement, I turn. A familiar gaze, like looking at an old mirror, cracked and gray, meets mine. "I’ll see you in twenty years," he says. 

He jumps, gracefully arcing, mounting the oscillating arm like a fireman's pole. Our mental connection surprises me, then he winks and I understand. 

My vardoger fades out of existence.

I replay the scene in my mind over and over, so that when the time comes, I’ll be able to execute it perfectly again.

A Girl With Brains

This weekend I'm celebrating my first ever premiere and book signing event. Yay! I have a story appearing in a local anthology "Zombie Nation: St. Pete." You can read more about it here, and also about a contest I'm thinking of having to give away any extra copies of the book that I pick up. Also appearing in this book is Jeff Strand, who is sort of the Stephen King of Tampa Bay. He's that good. So, please visit this blog post titled: Creepy Things, Zombie Nation and a contest..., and leave a comment on how you would best enjoy participating in this contest. In honor of the release of "Zombie Nation: St. Pete," this weeks #fridayflash is a "resurrected" zombie drabble. Deanna Schrayer inspired me to use it with our "mushy love" tweets this week. I'm still going to write another "mushy love" story for you, Deanna. ;)

"Men!" Barbara shouted indignantly, to no one in particular. "They're so thickheaded. They only love my body and not my brains." Barbara's latest failed relationship had left her feeling somewhat jaded.

She pondered the absolute pointlessness of her love life. She'd had many lovers recently and none of them had understood or really satisfied her. But they were smart, and she’d learned something new from each one of them.

"After all," she sighed, "I loved them for their brains."

She lifted the oozing skull of her latest lover to her lips and, making loud slurping noises, sucked the brainpan clean.

Old Man Carver Opens A Can Of Whoop Ass

This story was entered in Michael J. Solender's micro-flash 101 word contest "Dog Days of Summer" in which the words "summer" and "heat" had to appear in the story. Michael has published an e-Chapbook over at his website: "NOT from here, are you?" I am thrilled that my story made the cut, and appears in Michael's book. Many of the #fridayflash community participated in this fun contest, including the winner: Sam Adamson. Go give them all a read. It's only 101 words. You can read them by clicking on the links above.

The TV was loud. A Miami Heat game. Old Man Carver, asleep in his recliner, sparse grey hair flying in the summer breeze through the open window, didn’t hear the intruder enter the decrepit farmhouse. 

Boots (the cat) heard and saw; hissing from atop the parlor table, fur rising. 

“Who that?” Carver shook himself awake, then looking up, saw who. 

“The hell with you! I 'aint goin’!” 

The intruder said nothing. 

Carver stood, brandishing fists. “Try me, you bastard!” 

Minutes later, the black-hooded figure limped up the lane, fiddling with a PDA. 

“I was so sure it was today,” Death whimpered.